Grub I Eat

9th April 2011 2, yes 2 Sausage rolls. But that’s not...

Sat, 09 Apr 2011 20:47:39 +0100

9th April 2011

2, yes 2 Sausage rolls.

But that’s not the best bit! Each roll had a big dollop of Red caramelised onion chutney!

I urge you to try this! Its not difficult and I’m abit ashamed that something so easy to make with such minimal effort tasted so good!

7th April 2011 So probably the gayest looking plate of food...

Thu, 07 Apr 2011 22:36:34 +0100

7th April 2011

So probably the gayest looking plate of food i’ve made. Spaghetti Bolognese minus the Spaghetti, instead I used fresh filled Spinach and Ricotta pasta..Oooo I feel middle class!

I enjoyed this meal greatly, the beef was decent, the tomato sauce was homemade so obviously good plus with plenty of garlic chucked in it was the taste equivalent of a catwalk model.

My creativity knows no bounds, the skill involved used to make the Spaghetti Bolognese look like a sun flower is just staggering. Tomorrow I am going to make fish and chips look like an Owl!

6th April 2011 Well well well it’s steak again but with a...

Wed, 06 Apr 2011 20:51:19 +0100

6th April 2011

Well well well it’s steak again but with a difference, the steak is glazed with Maple syrup. It was meant to be!!

I found a nice simple recipe which involved steak (my favourite meat) and Maple Syrup (my favourite syrup) what do you mean you haven’t go a favourite syrup?

It didn’t go well, couldn’t taste the Maple Syrup, the steak was chewy and dry even though I went for rare. I blame the cow, it was probably depressed which made the meat poor quality.

The butter and herb potatoes were bloody good as usual though!

3rd April 2011 Its Sunday and mothers day so theres only 1...

Sun, 03 Apr 2011 21:33:53 +0100

3rd April 2011

Its Sunday and mothers day so theres only 1 option….a roast dinner, the king of dinners!

I am thoroughly ashamed to say that I didn’t cook dinner…mum did…on mothers day. But in my defence I did buy her a lovely porcelain pig!

2nd April 2011 What a nice sunny day…I popped into a...

Sat, 02 Apr 2011 20:53:22 +0100

2nd April 2011

What a nice sunny day…I popped into a bakers and picked up a fresh iced bun with a cherry on top.

I found a seat and took my time eating the sweet icing goodness and saved the cherry until last.

Watching the lower classes walking past and eating my bun was a good part of my day.

1st April 2011 This is not an April fools joke, this is the...

Fri, 01 Apr 2011 21:36:13 +0100

1st April 2011

This is not an April fools joke, this is the only thing worthwhile I have had today, a glass of Orange Juice.

It wasn’t Organic or even a premium brand. Just bog standard, run of the mill, Orange Juice. It didn’t even have any ‘bits’ in it. I like the bit.

I have failed today, my food adventures didn’t even get out of bed and show the world it’s bare skin and excitable but cautious nature.

On the bright side at-least I didn’t eat fecking chips again!!!

30th March 2011 My stomach is the happiest it’s been for...

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 20:20:04 +0100

30th March 2011

My stomach is the happiest it’s been for a while and my cooking skills have gone through the roof! All made by scratch and no one has been poisoned. Although I did put some left over chilli in the dogs food-bowl which has made him extremely pissed off. It pleases and humours me that I have this power.

Chicken and Bacon Lattice pie, with a select few vegetables kept company by Paprika and Chilli baby potatoes. A dish which is one of my best, nothing over cooked and tasted how it should of.

Abit of déjà vu from last week but who cares, I like pie and I have a funny feeling it likes me too…

Next week I’ll put the vegetables on the other-side of the plate to keep the recipe fresh.

30th March 2011 Full Rack of Ribs! The meat was perfect, soaked...

Wed, 30 Mar 2011 22:16:12 +0100

30th March 2011

Full Rack of Ribs! The meat was perfect, soaked in BBQ Sauce and so tender is just jumped off the bone, abit like a gay Kangaroo.

The Corn stayed where it was as i hate the stuff and the chips were chips.

I’m sick of chips now, I hadn’t realised how many i eat, its far to much. I’m gonna try and not have any for as long as possible.

Some people will say I’ve got a chip on my shoulder….All i can say to them is that i have just written the worst ‘joke’ in history.

29th March 2011 Its been a nice sunny afternoon if London town...

Tue, 29 Mar 2011 19:45:13 +0100

29th March 2011

Its been a nice sunny afternoon if London town so i’ve not wanted anything heavy or fussy.

A stir-fry seemed just the ticket. Loads of Veg, Noodles, bit of sweet and sour sauce chucked in and an disproportionate amount of Kosher/Halal Pork.

I’ve had alot of stir-frys during my dull and stodgy life and this one was by far the most averge.

Everything tasted how it was meant to taste so maybe thats why. Twas far to healthy and my body really isn’t used to it.

Now where did i leave that tub of Ben and Jerry’s?

28th March 2011 I am delighted to announce i have eaten some...

Mon, 28 Mar 2011 22:50:20 +0100

28th March 2011

I am delighted to announce i have eaten some total crap for dinner tonight…Chips and a Battered Sausage.

Its been a long weekend away in Wales and when you get home late and you can’t be bothered to cook i thank god that i don’t have to go far for a Fish and Chip shop.

The batter on the Sausage was delightful and greasy and i’m sure the meat was Organic. If by Organic you mean the Pig was forced to work in the sex industry, was a drug addict and when eventually overdosed it was turned in a Battered Sausage.

Oh and the Chips were ok, just ok.

27th March 2011 Rewind! Back to the old school! Pasta in...

Sun, 27 Mar 2011 21:15:29 +0100

27th March 2011

Rewind! Back to the old school!

Pasta in Tomato sauce and Cheeeese!

I didn’t cook this snack/meal but it was nice in a basic and anti-italian culture way.

The only downside is i’m still hungry. I suppose it was pretty useless then…just like old people.

26th March 2011 I have 2 words for today…Fucking...

Sat, 26 Mar 2011 21:16:08 +0000

26th March 2011

I have 2 words for today…Fucking Epic!!!

This is just a snapshot of the mussels I made for dinner!

3kg of Mussels in a white-wine sauce..this has to be the best and most advanced meal I have made so far.

Chopped up Parsely, Leak, Basil, some Cream and most of a bottle of White wine thrown in a large pot, chuck I the Muscles and steam for 5 minutes.

I’ve never had something so good in my mouth (I can’t think of a cock joke that makes me feel comfortable). I reckon this meal could cure cancer and bring on world peace it was so good.

If only Hitler liked Mussels.

25t March 2011 I’m in Wales this weekend and have just...

Fri, 25 Mar 2011 22:12:37 +0000

25t March 2011

I’m in Wales this weekend and have just stopped off at a small inbred pub for dinner.

The menu choices were the same as every pub run across British isles. Gammon, Pie, Fish & Chips and Bangers and Mash. Having not wanting to risk these meals I chose the sausage and mash in a giant Yorkshire pudding with gravy.

I was pleasantly surprised as it didn’t taste like crap! Every ingrediant was full of flavour and zero on shit. It was the only item on the menu which wasn’t described as Homecooked which is maybe why.

Also the pub had the nicest pub toilet I’ve ever been in..No smell of stale urine and not one bit of sexually violent graffiti.

24th March 2011 Cheesey Cheesey Toast Toast! The Daddy of...

Thu, 24 Mar 2011 23:21:10 +0000

24th March 2011

Cheesey Cheesey Toast Toast!

The Daddy of toasts, Cheese on Toast. I love the stuff, its like having pizza for breakfast and no one is judging you!

Easy peasy to make aswell even Jade Goody could’ve done it! (Too far? Nah)

23rd March 2011 Homecooked and mighty fine! Homemade meat pie...

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 19:44:10 +0000

23rd March 2011

Homecooked and mighty fine!

Homemade meat pie with herb and garlic new potatoes and cous cous.

I got a chance to go for a Chinese tonight and i’m glad i turned it down, this was was epic.

Bit random having cous cous with Pie but i say balls to the rules!

The Potatoes tasted like a genius had cooked them, which is abit if a coincidence because i cooked them.

After eating this meal which was so good, if i have something rubbish and crappy tomorrow i’m gonna kick a duck up the arse.

22nd March 2011 Steak (again) Chips (again) and Salad (Must have...

Tue, 22 Mar 2011 23:33:38 +0000

22nd March 2011

Steak (again) Chips (again) and Salad (Must have been a mistake)

Steak was of the Sirloin variety and cooked Medium, the only way it could have been better was if it grew breasts. Oh and the chips were decent.

I had a little pot of Blue Cheese and pretty sure it was there for the Salad but i smothered it all over my steak and it was perfection. Quite a strange combo but it was really good!

The salad was pretty bland and tasted of freshly plucked bird feathers, feathers plucked from a birds arse. But the other option was peas, and i have an extremely low opinion of peas…even lower opinion than people who think its acceptable to grow beards when they are in there 20’s. Much Lower.

21st March 2011 Not eaten much today and definitely nothing of...

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 20:24:26 +0000

21st March 2011

Not eaten much today and definitely nothing of interest so I shall talk about a Burger I had a few weeks ago that’s I got a picture of.

Local pub does a cracking deal a beer and Burger £6.

It’s a so called Gourmet Burger. It’s a regular beef burger with bacon, onion rings, cheese and some herby type sauce with a massive stick holding it altogether. When a Burger gets that big it’s needs scaffolding to keep it from falling over, it’s no longer a burger…it’s stupid. Whatever next!! (Insert funny comment here)

The moment that stick is removed it falls over and you need to use cuttlery!

If cuttlery is needed to eat a Burger it is no long a Burger, it is a disappointment and you look like a fool eating it.

It tasted good though and the chips and onions rings were warm and greasy…yum.

20th March 2011 Fish finger sandwich. Not as good as I...

Sun, 20 Mar 2011 21:20:52 +0000

20th March 2011

Fish finger sandwich. Not as good as I remember. Must have been the way I made it. I Woke up with a craving for one so i must be pregnant again.

This sandwich has to be be tried. 4 fish fingers, between 2 slices of White bread with a nice dollop of ketchup!

Short and sweet.

19th March 2011 Lamb and Potatoes how very classical. So...

Sat, 19 Mar 2011 19:54:15 +0000

19th March 2011

Lamb and Potatoes how very classical. So classical I gave it a good twist of the nuts and thru in some Reggae Reggae sauce, bit more of catchier name than Dolmio I think.

Reggae Reggae sauce has been around for a while now, I won’t bore you about it so google it.

I will tell you how it tastes…like fire!! I can imagine it taste like fire when it’s angry and on it’s period.

The tag line for the sauce is ‘Put some music in your food’ it should be something more like ‘Have a nuclear bomb go off in your mouth and stab your tongue’.

It still tastes very good though, the spices go right up your nose shutting off parts of the brain and apart from the flaming hot taste it’s fruity and abit like Brown Sauces Bastard brother!

Recommended! Buy or shoplift now.

18th March 2011 I love this because not one of...

Fri, 18 Mar 2011 21:53:02 +0000

18th March 2011

I love this because not one of these ingredients were mine…although i did have to cut the roll in half. Theres always a catch.

Emmental cheese (the cheese with the holes in that mice seem to like in cartoons) and Salami. Both squeezed and bedded into a wholemeal roll. Like fat people and diabetes the cheese and Salami went together perfectly.

I’ve no idea what is in Salami, Pork? Beef? Its probably a mixture of many animals foreskins. I wonder if fish have foreskins?